Why is the voice of the heart a mere whisper while the voice of your head is shouting; constantly, insistently. Your head is forever jumping all over your heart (and always on behalf of your ego.) I think that the heart's voice is so quiet because it is calm and still. It has no reason to make a scene. It's more than content to keep doing what it's doing and it's up to you to shut your head up and listen. It's like the Leonard Cohen concert I saw recently at Hanging Rock. My first reaction was to turn up the volume up ten-fold but as he continued to play I began to appreciate the subtlety. It forced the 12,000 spectators to shut up and listen. To be still.
I've always been told that I follow my heart too much... That I let my emotions get the best of me. I can't argue with this. I have been known to let my emotions engulf any rumour of rationality that I may possess at any one time. People would say, "you're not called Sunni Hart for nothing," when they really meant, "you're a fucking crazy bitch." Today I've come to realise that it isn't my heart that causes this at all. It's easy to mistake "feelings" as characteristics of the heart but it is in fact your head that tells you that you're losing, whether it's an argument or your grasp on life. It's your head that is seduced by the exterior "things" that effect your ego and make you mad or sad or disappointed or whatever. To listen to your heart is to be still and in control. To keep your perspective on it all and to remember that something good has happened to you at a point before this bad one, and will again in the very near future. Your heart is your metronome. Keep in time, don't loose control, listen to the beat. Remember the essence of you and of life. Nobody and no thing should knock that beat out of time.
More on that later...
4th January 2011.
I realise now that this perspective is a very small part of what the heart is. In the time of writing it I was trying to embrace these raw emotions of hurt and also try to understand somebody else's behaviour. In that vain, it makes sense to put it down to ego...the head, but it is also self-seeking. It does not encapsulate the entire arena of the hearts abilities, however. The heart can rage and scream and be euphoric. It can be overwhelmingly loud. We've all experienced this. Perhaps it happens when you aren't competing with the white noise of the world. When you're away from the traffic and the buildings and the other players in the game. When the world is quiet, your head has no reason to yell and your heart can sing.
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nah. don't believe it for a second. all that being in control, remembering the essence of your life, etc. is just some bullshit that middle management wants us to keep swallowing so we can love our prison cells and our wardens. way i see it, your heart is a beast that does the best it can to put up with the shocks of life. and the shocks keep coming. keeping your perspective is a good thing, but your perspective will never be reality, because we're all just monkeys with big prefrontal cortexes. sure, we can think and love and scream and bake a cake and wiggle our toes, but we have no centre, except in people's perceptions and memories, which are always fucked. that centre was cut out of all of us when we were born. it's an expanding universe, more chaotic, more complex, and there's no escape - your heart isn't a metronome, it's a blind, hurt and angry bull with a borrowed drumkit. and yeah, sometimes the bull calms down a bit and even smiles and starts grooving on an idea. but he's no more in control than a battery's in control of an alarm clock.
but i don't mind if you prove me wrong, i don't mind at all.
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